Where’s the Place at the Table for Folks Like Us?

 

So, last week I was fortunate enough to see one of my favorite bands on the planet on two consecutive nights. I’ve waxed rhapsodic in the past about Glossary, and I caught their Tuesday night show at The Satellite in Silver Lake, followed by their Wednesday night show at The Slidebar in Fullerton. While the sets were shorter than I would’ve wanted — about 45 mins Tues, about an hour Wed — the band packed that 1:45 with two fistfuls of face-punching awesomeness, an unrelenting juggernaut of rock ‘n’ roll straight outta the Dinosaur Jr/Replacements school of indie rock. In fact, here’s what I wrote on Facebook after their Wednesday performance:

Glossary absolutely killed the Slidebar in Fullerton last night. They opened up with a mini-set of pedal steel songs, none of which we got two nights ago at the Satellite, then burned the motherfucker down with rock ‘n’ roll. The Eric Giles/Bingham Barnes rhythm section was swangin, Kelly Kneiser’s harmonies were angelic, and as if Joey Kneiser and Todd Beene singing their own songs wasn’t awesome enough — including my “Blood On The Knobs” request, thankyouverymuch — they also covered Slobberbone‘s “Placemat Blues.” PLACEMAT BLUES, Y’ALL!!!!!!! Tell yo mama, Glossary is the best.

At this point, you’re either familiar with “Placemat Blues” and nodding your head vigorously or unfamiliar with it and wondering why I’d go ALL CAPS, followed by a bevy of exclamation points. Fair question. My answer begins here:

 

Slobberbone – Placemat Blues
Everything You Thought Was Right Was Wrong Today, 2000
Amazon

 

“Placemat Blues” is a blistering fuck you to corporate radio, wrapped in a Replacements homage, cleverly hidden inside a Jim Dickinson tribute. The riff here is basically the riff from “I.O.U.,” the leadoff track from the Mats’ 1987 album, Pleased To Meet Me. (Don’t worry, we’re getting there.) In fact, Slobberbone recorded the album from which “Placemat” comes — the brilliant Everything You Thought Was Right Was Wrong Today — at Ardent Studios in Memphis because that’s where Pleased was cut with Dickinson as producer. Dickinson didn’t produce Everything, but he played some piano, and occasionally sat behind the boards offering sage advice.

As singer/songwriter/guitarist, Brent Best, told the Dallas Observer in April 2000, three months before Everything came out:

“There’s a song on the album that was sort of meant to be our Replacements tribute song, but it turned out to be just a Replacements rip-off song, I think. But it sounds pretty good. (Jim Dickinson) laid down this just blazing boogie-woogie piano part that we ended up not using, but it was kind of surreal to be there in Memphis, at the studio where he produced (The Replacements), we’re playing our ‘I.O.U.’ rip-off song, and he’s playing piano on it.”

Self-deprecation aside, the genius of “Placemat Blues” isn’t that it rips off one of the great American bands, it’s that Best uses The Replacements as a framing device to address the impossibility of getting on the radio. This is why “the table” is a brilliant lyrical anchor. The table should be a meritocracy with a theoretical place for me, them, and us. In fact, the seats are taken by lawyers, publicists, accountants, and nutless program directors who defend their shitty playlists — heavy doses of Limp Bizkit and Korn circa 1999-2000 when the song was written — by invoking free market economics and the invisible hand. Bullshit. The hand is visible, it belongs to them, and it contains 4 middle fingers and a thumb up its own ass.

“That’s my rant, I don’t expect to make a dent
I waste all these little laments
And wait for accidents”

If there’s a fundamental difference between your Slobberbones and Glossarys and a mythological force like The Replacements, it’s that the Mats actually commanded respect nationally. Granted, they weren’t U-fucking-2, but they were on mainstream radar. So while Paul Westerberg lamented missing the whole first rung on the ladder of success, at least he had access to a ladder. For Slobberbone and Glossary, the best hope is waiting for an accident. Maybe they get a song added to a soundtrack that sells a bajillion copies (a la Nick Lowe and The Bodyguard) or maybe a song is used as a TV theme song (a la Big Star with That ’70s Show or The Minutemen with Jackass). Whatever the case, they aren’t getting played on the radio because that would be too easy. People might get the crazy notion that OTHER good bands could get on the radio and then obviously we’d have anarchy. Bottom line: You can’t blame a guy for thinking the whole thing’s just kinda stupid.

“Placemat Blues” Lyrics

Get up from the table and just walk away
There’s nothing for me anyway
No reason that I should stay

Where’s the place at the table for folks like me?
There’s not one that I can see
Not one I can see

Used to be nothing sweeter than the signals it could send
The musical hand it could lend
Could be a lonely man’s best friend

Where’s the place at the table for folks like them?
Do you not want what they can spend?
Where’s your place for them?

Now don’t tell me that you don’t see these things all sideways
I wish that you might one day see things my way

I know what you say, you say you serve the youth
You serve them Bizkits and Korn with a spoon
But I think you just serve you

Where’s the place at the table for folks like us?
When there’s no one that we can trust
No one we can trust

Now don’t tell me that you don’t see these things all sideways
I hope that you might one day see these things my way

[horns + lead fucking guitar]

That’s my rant, I don’t expect to make a dent
I waste all these little laments
And wait for accidents

So go on buy it all, buy it all, and sell it off
The towers, the meters, the speakers, the knobs
Send it back to God

Just don’t tell me that you don’t see these things all sideways
And don’t tell me that I might one day see things your way
We should kick your ass from here to Friday
Then maybe you might one day see these things my way

Spoken: The whole thing’s just kinda stupid

 

Replacements – I.O.U.
Pleased To Meet Me, 1987
Amazon

 

According to Wikipedia, “I.O.U.” was based on an autograph that Iggy Pop gave Paul Westerberg. You might be thinking, “What kind of asshole references Wikipedia and expects to be taken seriously?” Well, I believe virtually everything I read and I think that is what makes me more of a selective human than someone who doesn’t believe anything. So put that in your MLA Handbook and suck it.

Like “Placemat Blues,” “I.O.U.” is an acerbic dig at the music lawyer industrial complex. When Westerberg wails, “I’m losing all I own on that dotted line,” he’s echoing the witticism famously attributed to Tom Waits, but was probably uttered first by P.T. Barnum: “The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.” In other words, even when you earn a place at the table, the industry is more than capable of having you removed. And once removed from the table, it’s very easy to pretend that you don’t exist.

“I.O.U.” Lyrics

Get me out of this stinkin’ fresh air
90 days in the electric chair
Step right up, son
Gonna show you something never been done
You’re all fucked

Listen, it don’t cost much
I lay down the line you touch
Never do what you’re told
There’ll be time, believe me when you’re old
You’re all wrong and I’m right

Please be on your honor
Please be on your
On … back in here

Listen to the story all right
I’m losing all I own on that dotted line
Step right up, son
Gonna show you something ain’t never been done
You’re all wrong and I’m right

You see I want it in writing
I owe you nothing
Want it in writing
I owe you nothing
Want it in writing, yeah

Invisible man who can sing in a visible voice

This brings us back to Glossary covering “Placemat Blues.” It also brings us to Westerberg writing “Alex Chilton” (which you may remember from such Adios Lounge posts as The Flags are Half-Mast in Radio City). The impetus for both songs was the same, even though one’s a cover and one’s an original. In each case, the band is paying homage to a painfully underappreciated influence (an “invisible man”). Granted, Big Star is NOW probably as popular as The Replacements, but that certainly wasn’t the case in 1987 when the song was recorded. Meanwhile, Slobberbone is about as popular as Big Star was in, oh, 1982. Which is to say, there would’ve been a few thousand dudes nodding their head vigorously at mention of their name and children by the millions without a clue. Here’s an old interview with the Mats, conducted shortly after the release of Pleased To Meet Me, where Paul sums up the motivation for this brand of homage about as well as anyone can.

Paul Westerberg on Alex Chilton (1987)

“We want people to know who Alex is, who never heard of Big Star. It’s our way of … he doesn’t need our help, he doesn’t want our help, but dammit, he’s gonna get it whether he likes it or not. He’s a great songwriter, he’s influenced me, but he does exactly what he wants and he’s comfortable with that. He can write good songs and he’ll go around and play an oldies circuit just because it feels good to him.”
–Paul Westerberg

This is exactly why there’s an Adios Lounge. Any asshole can write about Mumford & Sons, Green Day, or Springsteen. No offense to any of those artists, but they don’t need me. They have Death Star infrastructure and enormo fanbases, all I’d be doing is adding my diminished voice to a homogenous chorus. It takes a special asshole to focus on the Slobberbones and Glossarys of the world, but these are the bands that need a cheerleader and, oh by the way, they also make the best music. Where’s the place at the table for folks like them? Right here, bitches. Get your Placemat on.

Glossary – Placemat Blues

Wigginstock at Camp Courtney, Wiggins, MS
October 27, 2012
Video: Joe Castrianni

Fun fact: When Brent Best wrote “Placemat Blues,” it was 13 years after the release of Pleased To Meet Me. When Glossary covered “Placemat Blues” last week, it was 13 years after the release of Everything You Thought Was Right Was Wrong Today. Set your calendars for 2026. Some kids are gonna do a smokin’ ass version of “Little Caney” and I wanna be there to chronicle it.

“You’re all wrong and I’m right.”